In-Depth With Co-host Heather

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The world feels heavy. My mental health is a constant thing I have to keep in check. On August 1st 2022 we have an episode dropping that discusses my binge eating disorder in detail. When we recorded it, I was in the midst of a very long binge cycle and as I type this today I am still in that cycle. When I am struggling my external body shows it the most. I wish I could cope in ways that other people might not be able to see it as easily but that's just not the case for me. I have put on even more weight since recording that episode. I have considered not sharing that episode out of embarrassment. It would be easy for me to rearrange the entire podcast schedule and take it down but what would that do to help me? Keep my demons and struggles a secret? The whole point of this podcast is to stop that shit. To the average person they will just assume I stopped dieting. Technically that could be true but the root cause of why I cope with food is not what people want to talk about. They want to assume I just sit around eating all day and that I don't give a shit. They assume I am lazy or unmotivated and that could not be further from the truth. In the last two and half years since my mother died and we ended up in "unprecedented" times I have had waves of mental health both "healthy" and "crisis". It's been the most challenging time in my life because this is the first long term trauma response that I have been presently aware of occurring while it's actually occurring. I have been in therapy, stopped therapy, been on medications, stopped medications, returned back to medications (not weight loss medications, mental health meds). I have done just about everything to get out of this "funk". Some things work for awhile and then they stop working. Some things don't work at all. I most certainly have not found my groove. The good news is, I will never stop trying.

The truth is, I don't do well with change and there is basically nothing about my life in the last two and half years that has been steady and reliable with the exception of my amazing husband. My job constantly changes. We have lost a pet and family members. The state of the world changes and then my friendships change because their mental health is struggling and my mental health is struggling and everyone I know is purely exhausted to their bones. The kind of exhausted that will never go away until we get a fucking break from all the anger and hate and fear.

I have not even begun to heal because the trauma continues. If you have survived these last two years without any mental health concerns and without the fear please consider yourself lucky.

The catch 22 of having binge eating disorder accompanied with anxiety or depression or as a coping mechanism from trauma is that binge eating makes you feel worse. Gaining weight makes you sluggish and even more tired and the entire list of of side effects that come along with gaining a massive amount of weight.....but in the moment of needing to soothes the pain. It works temporarily which is why people keep turning to it. (I talk in depth about what I go through in the episode airing soon)

I am not less of a person because I struggle with my mental health.

I am not less of a person because I am morbidly obese.

I am not less of a person because I binge eat.

I am not less of a person because to others it looks like I am failing.

I am not less qualified to help other with their trauma because I am dealing with me own.

I am not less of a person … PERIOD.....POINT....BLANK

I write this blog post and release a binge eating episode I am not proud of because I am worthy of sharing it all. The ups, the downs, the highs, the lows and anything in between.

I will get my binge eating under control again. I will get the weight gain off. I will struggle with this the rest of my life but there will be NO SHAME. It's just part of who I am and I share this because if you are like me, you are not alone.

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**These conversations are just our experience from our perspective and do not replace medical advice in any way. This is your “trigger warning”. We will be discussing all aspects of mental health issues. The content of these podcasts is not intended to be substituted for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment and does not constitute medical or other professional advice. Never delay seeking medical/professional help because of something you have heard on these podcasts. We are not licensed medical professionals, just two chicks on a podcast.

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