I have been personally struggling with my mental health lately in the form of anxiety. It seems to be mostly work related as changes keep coming and they keep pushing more and more work onto us and it’s been hard to keep up. We have had a ton of turnover in our company and it’s unsettling. It has been personally difficult to manage work-life balance with my current job. Obviously I can’t go into details about what it is I do for a living but Covid made my job 10x harder and it was already taxing to begin with. Now, after two years most of my co-workers are burned out, including me. We, like most of the country, have nationwide staffing shortages and as inflation continues to rise we cannot offer employees the rate they need just to survive. I have people who rely on me in order to earn their own income and that are why I have not yet walked away from my current position. I have the fear in my head that a new job could be worse. I try to find the positive in my current role and the flexibility it has had during the pandemic as far as logistics and for most of the pandemic I have just been grateful to be employed while so many people were not BUT I am definitely weighing my options as my current environment becomes increasingly more toxic. Change is hard. It is scary and I don’t know what will be the breaking point where I have had enough.
As a result of the increasing pressure from my job I have coped in unhealthy ways. Relying on substances to numb the anxiety and dull the avoidance and my binge eating has been a serious crutch and I saw a number on the scale I have not seen in years. For the month of April I decided to do a Sober April. I started the last week of March. It’s an attempt to stop using crutches to escape reality. I also went back on my anxiety/ depression medication. I am trying to make things work with my current job and I need to be the best version of myself in order to see if it’s truly time to move on or if I can manage to find a new work-life balance in my current role but I think this decision needs to be made with a clear mind. I have no idea what the future holds and maybe the choice will be made for me but whatever is meant to be will be and I will find a way no matter what. Thanks for taking the time to read this and if you want to leave a comment there is a comment box below.
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